Although brought up through casual conversation, I feel I am faced with a personal intervention. The realization of the impact of my actions, without the complete understanding of the full extent of the effects, until it is brought right in front of me. My faults, my mistakes, my ugly real reflection of self. Who I am, not who I want to be. When brought to light, for all those to see, how do I respond? Do I better myself? Do I continue to go on, knowing the filthy mark I leave behind with every step I take down that path? What is done next defines me as a person. My decisions are the foundation of oneself. The actions I take, speak for who I am, who I choose to be, who I see myself as. Am I proud of that reflection I see when I glance into that mirror? Am I pleased with the reflection I let others see when I mirror myself through my actions? If not, then why not? If not, then what now? If not, then I must ask myself, what do I do next? It is not the flaws that define a person. It is the actions they make with those flaws that can either make them great, or not. And I’m sitting here asking myself, now what?

The words said cannot express as greatly as the actions made. It is the actions you make that truly define you as a person. Trust cannot be built on sweet words, and empty promises. Trust is built from the decisions you choose, and the actions you take to show how much something means to you. It is because of that, all I have left to give is my actions. My actions to prove to you that I acknowledge the mistakes I made, and the willingness inside myself to grow from it. The willingness inside me to show you that you mean the world to me. Second chances shouldn’t be handed out so kindly. And it is because of that, I will make sure every second given to me to prove myself, again, will not go to waste. People make mistakes. I make mistakes. But I will take that mistake, and learn from it. Use it to better myself. Use it to better our relationship. Use it to better my life. I will earn you back. I will fight for you. I will make you believe that everything I’ve said and done, is real. I will give you my best, and that is all I have left to offer.

There’s never a dull conversation with this guy. He’s my best friend, my eventual best man, and my brother. Despite being across the country, we can always pick up our friendship like he never left. I think every person needs a best friend like this. 

You compliment me in practically every aspect of life.

• Mentally

You’re amazingly intelligent  You constantly push me towards success, and challenge me to consistently think about situations. You cause me to stay on my toes, while we play our little games of intellect. You won’t let me get away with half-assing anything, and always call me out on all my bullshit. I will always see you as my intellectual equal. Sometimes even my superior. On a good day.

• Emotionally

You express an equal amount of affection with me. I never feel like our relationship is ever a one sided effort. You care for me, and show me you care on a regular basis. We can express any feeling or emotion openly, without discrimination. 

• Physically

Your views on personal health is absolutely contagious. You are one of the reasons I quit smoking. You inspire me to take better care of my own body, and push me to consistently reevaluate my diet, lifestyle choices, and health habits.

• Recreationally

We have so many similar interests, it’s ridiculous. Our love for cinema. Our blatant sense of humor. Our appreciation for fashion. I can openly talk to you about something I love, and confidently know you absolutely understand exactly how I feel. You are becoming the best friend I can do everything I love to do with.

You are my equal. You are my rival. You are my friend. You are my becoming my better half, and my worst half. Thank you. Thank you for being everything I wanted, by simply just being yourself. 

It’s hard to me to pin point the exact thing that attracts me to her. I find myself drawn in for reasons I’ve never found myself drawn to many other girls for. I don’t find myself exclusively attracted by her physical features, or impressive taste in fashion. I find myself more appreciating every aspect of her not visible by the human eye. I find myself in love with her mind and soul. I find myself eager to know how exactly her complex mind ticks. She’s blunt and outspoken. She’s immensely sociable yet maintains such a humbling attitude. She’s so quirky and awkward, yet she has this elegance and sophistication about her that still seems to intimidate me. But out of all of that, what really has me head of heels for this gal, is our conversations. When I speak to her, it’s really something quite extraordinary. Regardless of where we are, or who we’re with, It’s incredibly easy for me to connect with her on a mentally intimate level. I feel at such ease when we speak. I feel so comfortable to spill my heart out. Every conversation I have with her, just feel so natural. Why is it that I am able to disregard my entire surroundings when I’m around her? Able to filter every other sound except her soft voice? Why do I find myself in awe of the consistent display of her dedication to better me as a person? I find myself asking, why would anyone even care? I appreciate the compassion. I appreciate the sweet little gestures of affection she shows me. I appreciate the moments in life, where i’m honestly not afraid to be myself and be judged by my actions. I appreciate her.

This literally happened to me at 6:00am this morning.

• Walks into parent’s room to take back borrowed phone charger. 
• Opens door, and see the charger on the floor. 
• Picks it up. 
• Turns to bed, and sees dad sleeping face down, completely butt naked. 
• Slowly places charger back on the ground. 
• Walks out of room. 
• Goes back to bed.

It was too early for that shit. Good morning Tumblr.

I felt annoyed about everything today. Everyone annoyed me. I’ve never felt so annoyed for such a long period of time. Life can go fuck itself right now.

One of my close friends showed me a picture, and asked me on my honest opinion on this girl he’s interested in. He told me he had some initial doubt on trying to get to know her because some of his friends told him “no, you could do better”. This confused me a bit. What exactly were they basing their decision on? Just on how she looked in a picture? That is by far one of the most stupid things I’ve heard of. Why is it that, even at my age, people are still basing their relationship options solely on how a person looks? It just seems so childish. Honestly, who gives a fuck? Successful relationships are based one how well two people can connect to each other. Not on how they look. Sure appearance has great significance on attracting someone’s attention, but it’s the personality of that person that really matters in the long run. Never prevent yourself from getting to know someone, just because they don’t meet some unrealistic standard set by shallow peers. Get to know someone for the sake of creating a connection with them. Intimate feelings always come naturally. After you get to know the person, and you still don’t seem interested, oh well. At least you made a new friend. If your personalities happen to click, and something intimate forms, even better. Either way, it’s always going to be a win-win situation. Never stop yourself from meeting new people. Fuck what others think, and just do you. Honestly, everyone always looks 10000x more attractive when you love em, and that’s really all that matters.

New haircut. That short hair in the front kills it though. Can’t wait for it to grow out a bit. 

Had one of the biggest reality checks today. One of my cousins from the military came to SD to visit. He told my sister and I about all his experiences and the stuff he had to go through to become the person he is today. He seemed like an entirely different person from the cousin I knew growing up. He made me realize a lot of aspects of my own life which I should just stop and reevaluate. There’s a lot of things about my own habits, my own personality, my own life style that I really could use some improvement on. I think sooner or later, I’m going to be at the point in my life where the decisions I make and either help mold a responsible adult, or create an immature excuse of a person. I need to start bettering myself. I really have a lot of work to do.

Only one day off this entire week, and I get to spend it painting little kids’ faces at my niece’s birthday party. At least I get to wear this dope ass shirt.

Eventually go to NYC and get a sleeve done by Thomas Hooper.

In no specific order.

• Ask me to do something for you when you are fully capable of doing it yourself.
• Acknowledging you can do shit yourself AFTER I already have started the requested task.
• Telling me to stop getting so angry.
• Bring up my past mistakes as a tool for argument.
• Asking me indirect questions to get answers out of me. 
• Talking shit about my family.
• Speaking to me as if I am inferior to you.
• Constantly reminding me something, as if I didn’t hear it the first time you said it.
• Persistently requesting a favor, even after I have given a direct no.
• Publishing any problems you have with me on any social media (Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr) Yet refusing to tell me your issues directly.

Avoid the listed, and I can be one damn happy camper.

• I used to want to become an artist. But then I realized, realistic goals pay more than a person’s dream.
• I like to sleep with a fan on. I don’t use it for the cool air, but for the sound. I find it difficult to sleep in a silent environment. 
• I tend to make a lot of odd sounds and hand gestures. People think it’s because I’m funny. But honestly, I’m just an awkward person.
• I have a deathly fear of birds. I prefer to stay away from them when possible.
• When at parties, I refuse to drink. Not because I’m a party pooper, but because I made an oath to myself to refrain from alcohol in respect to my deceased grandfather. 
• I like to start a lot of new hobbies, but only find myself sticking to them for only short periods of time. It’s not that i’m a quitter, I just like trying new things.
• I find white girls very attractive. I guess it’s because I’ve been surrounded by Asians my entire life, they’ve lost my interest. 
• I like to run possible scenarios in my head before they happen. I find myself disappointed a lot when outcomes is different than I expected.
• I don’t have many close guy friends. I have a lot of homies, but few I could call real friends. My closest friends are girls, but I still have a few dudes I consider my brothers. I think it’s because don’t know a lot of dudes that share the same interests as me.
• I’m not a serious person. I never take life too seriously. It isn’t as fun if I were to do so.
• I find girls with a sense of fashion more attractive. A girl’s outfit is one of the first things I look at.
• I really want to become a father some day. Just so I can be a better dad than mine ever was.
• Math is my least favorite subject. I prefer subjects with conceptual answers and different possible interpretations. I don’t like the right or wrong aspect of math. I can’t bullshit answers into sounding correct.
• I’m afraid of heights. Or falling. Or both.
• I love dogs. Specifically dobermans. I’m not too much of a fan of cats.
• I enjoy cooking. I find it fun. Who wouldn’t find food fun?
• I will fight you. Even if I know I can’t beat you, I at least know I can hurt you before going down.
• I find religion unnecessary. I acknowledge there may be a greater power, but refuse to believe that they are responsible for every good scenario, and are “testing” us during the bad. I believe people should be held accountable for their own actions.
• I wish I was taller. It’s just make it easier to date people LOL. 
• I’m a hopeless romantic. I watch too many movies. 
• Speaking of movies, I am a movie fanatic. If you have a great interest in cinema too, I’ll love you sooo much more.

Just got back from church. Now I need to finish registering for fall semester classes before I head off to work. Life is busy. There’s barely any time to relax this summer.